搞笑英语段子笑得肚子疼？
Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Kid: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
去复印店复印身份证，进去后掏出***和一张钞票，怕店主找不开说：“我只有一张100的，你给不给复印？”店主说：“对不起我们这里不复印人民币，有***也不行！”
我最喜欢数学了，它没有语文的曲折，没有政史的死板枯燥，没有英语那么多语法，它有的，只有不会做，不会做和不会做。
健身房里有人抱怨：“教练！这里蚊子太多了，身上被咬几个包啦！”教练怒斥道：“你懂什么，这叫有痒运动！”
今天去超市买东西，买的有点多，服务员算了一下，一共777元，我立马给了她1000元，她马上找了我333元，我说“这么快算出来了?”，她说：“我上学时心算可厉害了，是数学科代表，不会错的。”
汤锅已经沸腾，饺子a鼓起勇气对饺子b说：“有件事我一直想告诉你，我知道，你喜欢我。””
饺子b说：“什么？我一直隐藏得很好，你是什么时候知道的。””
饺子a看着饺子b破了的皮，酸楚地说：“就在刚刚，你露馅儿了。”
语文老师对一个很皮的同学说：你改变了我的宗教信仰，以前我是无神论者，自从遇见你，还***见鬼了。于是全班爆笑。
英语搞笑段子？
I'm not addicted to Wechat! You Know, I just use it whenever I h***e time. Lunch time, break time, bed time, that time, this time, any time, all the time!
I hate two-faced people.It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.
When a woman says “WHAT?”, it’s not because she didn't hear you. She’s just giving you a chance to change what you said.
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.
"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.
"He says he wants some ketchup," my hu***and said calmly . A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"
"I'm a dentist," my hu***and explained
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